51 Comments
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Jessica Maison's avatar

I love these types of stories! A youthful mistake kept secret that never leaves the protagonist. Nice one!

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Sandolore Sykes's avatar

Do you have a confession for us, Jessica?

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Jessica Maison's avatar

Many… haha

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Liz Zimmers's avatar

Another phenomenal story! Loved. It!

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Nick Winney's avatar

Thanks Liz! really pleased with it myself 😀

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William Pauley III's avatar

Oh, this is brilliant! That feeling of dread deep in my chest as I read the final lines! Excellent story, Nick!

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Nick Winney's avatar

Thanks William! It was a bit twisty back and forth with dreams and memories but i think the thread runs through it...

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Nick Winney's avatar

i love how theres so much overlap in all our stories so far... guilt, evil deeds, nasty disgusting things in the pipes...even string!

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William Pauley III's avatar

You're right, there are overlaps, but each are also wildly different. The plumbing theme was a tough challenge, but everyone did such a wonderful job with it. Truly impressed!

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Sandolore Sykes's avatar

Nick and William had some pretty surprising overlaps--but yes, from wildly different narratives!

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NJ Fiction's avatar

I appreciated a lot about this. The use on onomatopoeia and the related use of imagery that changes slightly each time it’s brought up! Good stuff

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Nick Winney's avatar

Thanks NJ! i loved your story omg the horror!

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Jeannine's avatar

Another wonderful creepfest! You are so good with child characters, by the way, you perfectly portray their over active imaginations and casual cruelties and fear of reprisal for secret transgressions. The things that follow us into our adulthood dreams are the most terrifying, though.

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Nick Winney's avatar

Thanks Jeannine! so glad you liked it!

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M.P. Fitzgerald's avatar

That last line is my favorite! I love this piece 😁

Nick, you do dialog right, always, and the characters are perfect. Damn that string!

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Nick Winney's avatar

thanks MP! spent many years being a mean kid in a village full of mean kids heheh. And now im just a nice guilt wracked old man

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M.P. Fitzgerald's avatar

You’re welcome, your prose was good in this one! Kids are cruel. Crocodilos are crueler…

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Nick Winney's avatar

they jus misunderstood...we all gotta eat... glok glok glok...

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ARC's avatar

A haunting blend of memory guilt and surreal horror that lingers like the smell of drains.

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Nick Winney's avatar

Thanks man! Means a lot to me that this got likes from such discerning writers as your good self!

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EJ Trask's avatar

I love this genre of story where something really weird happens when the character is a kid. it is particularly terrifying and unsettling. well done.

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Nick Winney's avatar

Thanks EJ! that tunnel really exists...but nobody went missing in it...so far as I know...

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Ashley T.K.'s avatar

You're a master of suspense... and dread. I held my forehead in my hand the whole way through, eyes wide at what was coming. That was just fantastic

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Nick Winney's avatar

wow! what an endorsement! thanks Ashley! totally makes my day when someone likes my words. best feeling! 😆

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Damn, Nick! This is tight. Well done!

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Nick Winney's avatar

Thanks Sean… means a lot coming from the master of horror! @Sandolore Sykes and @Brock Eldon helped me get the subtle shift from dream to narrative and back to dream to make more sense and keep it right. just a thoroughly excellent experience throughout and all the other stories? AMAZING!!

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Yeah, everything I've read so far is great. You all killed it!

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Ken Flyingheart's avatar

Masterful. The creeping dread I felt reading this is a rare a precious gem you pulled from a deep place. Loved it!

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Nick Winney's avatar

Wow…thanks Ken! this story was fuelled by childhood events…and also strange coincidences…like a letter from the sewage company the day before sum flux prompt arrived saying our local drains were being blocked and they would find the guilty households… and then also whilst walking down the street i found this…the green string while I was polishing up the story.

I'm so delighted that I got the sense of creeping dread right!

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Ken Flyingheart's avatar

Almost as if it was meant to be. If so, you couldn’t have nailed it down any better. Perfect all the way down.

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Will Boucher's avatar

This is ridiculously good. Love the voice

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Garen Marie's avatar

Excellent, Nick! Man, you have a way with words. I particularly loved the memories. They felt so real, but dreamlike at the same time, just as it is when you remember something from childhood. Top-notch writing.

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Nick Winney's avatar

thanks Garen! makes me so happy that you read and enjoyed this. 😀

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Pablo Báez's avatar

Love how it all strings together.

Not what I expected, in the best way possible!

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Caitriana NicNeacail's avatar

Excellent!

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Nick Winney's avatar

thanks Caitriana!

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Troy Church's avatar

Great writing. I expected Gweedo to somehow come out and the end was definitely one that surprised me. I loved it.

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Nick Winney's avatar

Thanks Troy! the end sort of morphed a bit ... the main feeling was the "monster" lived as guilt about gweedo and dreams in the plumbing of the mind. also just a hint of ... maybe Saffron is an incarnation of the monster ...

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Sandolore Sykes's avatar

He finally admits it!

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Nick Winney's avatar

just a flicker of the nictitating membrane...also there's a species of crocodile thats sort of got a latin name that made me think up Saffron as a name.

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Sandolore Sykes's avatar

I fully felt it, Nick… I was never fooled by her fun. I could see a lizard glint in her pretty little eye.

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