I’m following up answering the questions raised by Brock a few days ago:
1.) How do you recognize and confront a narcissist?
I’ve known two in my life - my mother-in-law and father-in-law. In both cases, they turned every situation into being all about them, seeking pity or attention at the slightest hint that they might no longer be the centre of everyone else’s world.
They spoiled family events at the slightest opportunity, created arguments where none existed, tried (and sometimes succeeded) in creating division in the family to gain more attention for themselves. They were the only people who deserved any kind of help or support, in their opinion. No apologies ever, persistent blaming of everyone else for their problems… the list goes on. My mother-in-law is a bit better behaved since her husband died. I can’t imagine how toxic their relationship must have been.
2.) How can societal and/or cultural norms about family loyalty influence decisions to tolerate dismissive and even abusive behaviour within families?
I think there is huge, sometimes intolerable pressure to be loyal to family members no matter how they behave. Yes, family is important, but families can also be the people you choose to have around you because they support and care for you, and vice versa. This is especially so in the LGBTQIA communities.
We don’t live near my mother-in-law - by choice. It’s much better to have a couple of hundred miles between us. She doesn’t drive.
3.) What do you make of Obsidian’s “One Crazier" philosophy?
In my darkest hours, I have been sorely tempted to implement a philosophy like this, although I’m not given to physical enforcement, and honestly don’t believe it’s the right path. I’ve been on the wrong side of it myself. I verbally lost my temper very badly once with my mother-in-law and told her some very cutting home truths. Every time she tried to speak I put up my hand and said ‘No, I’m still talking, you’ll damn well listen’. It shocked her into better behaviour - for a time.
Wild and wooly, awesome
Geez, I didn't know my secret technique had gotten out.
Oh! It’s true, I have seen Andrew do it (with words).
lol!!!!!! I feel seen :)
Hectic and high-octane!
I’m following up answering the questions raised by Brock a few days ago:
1.) How do you recognize and confront a narcissist?
I’ve known two in my life - my mother-in-law and father-in-law. In both cases, they turned every situation into being all about them, seeking pity or attention at the slightest hint that they might no longer be the centre of everyone else’s world.
They spoiled family events at the slightest opportunity, created arguments where none existed, tried (and sometimes succeeded) in creating division in the family to gain more attention for themselves. They were the only people who deserved any kind of help or support, in their opinion. No apologies ever, persistent blaming of everyone else for their problems… the list goes on. My mother-in-law is a bit better behaved since her husband died. I can’t imagine how toxic their relationship must have been.
2.) How can societal and/or cultural norms about family loyalty influence decisions to tolerate dismissive and even abusive behaviour within families?
I think there is huge, sometimes intolerable pressure to be loyal to family members no matter how they behave. Yes, family is important, but families can also be the people you choose to have around you because they support and care for you, and vice versa. This is especially so in the LGBTQIA communities.
We don’t live near my mother-in-law - by choice. It’s much better to have a couple of hundred miles between us. She doesn’t drive.
3.) What do you make of Obsidian’s “One Crazier" philosophy?
In my darkest hours, I have been sorely tempted to implement a philosophy like this, although I’m not given to physical enforcement, and honestly don’t believe it’s the right path. I’ve been on the wrong side of it myself. I verbally lost my temper very badly once with my mother-in-law and told her some very cutting home truths. Every time she tried to speak I put up my hand and said ‘No, I’m still talking, you’ll damn well listen’. It shocked her into better behaviour - for a time.
Yes, for a time. Thanks for sharing, Zivah… some familiar things in all those stories, indeed. 🙊
Sounds like you know the score. You will receive the behavior you tolerate.
Moving far away is the most commonly used solution for terrible family scenes.
Im possibly from a different culture than you.
Spend your time and energy with good people and flourish and prosper !
We could well be from different cultures, or maybe just have different temperaments!
I’m British and was brought up in a very small, calm family environment after a chaotic start in life. We all have triggers, no?
I enjoyed your piece - it took me on a wild ride and gave me an insight into a slice of life I would otherwise not experience.
So much resonance. 🫡
Great read. I really enjoyed!!
I love how people are just chipping away at all this work, one piece at a time! So happy to see you here, WildF.