Kinda crinkles my heart into a wad of paper to hear you both say this. Neither of you should be doubting yourself as writers. Just keep writing and shove that self-doubt down the garbage disposal, please!
Excellent response. I am seeing what you (guys) are talking about. I love the plastic wrap image... that sort of dulling of senses, but also making the sensations amplified, less localized. This is, indeed a very big subject, and I think you pulled the plastic wrap off!
I am super interested to hear more about this. I am surprised by the word "ethereal" for this piece. For me it is grit under the finger nail, slivers from floor boards in my toes, knees skinned from kneeling... this piece doesn't float for me, it sinks. So tell me, how does it fly for you? Say things!
This does say it's fiction, I just triple checked so I feel like it's okay for me to discuss as artifice which is what I'm going to do. The husband, the abuser, he never becomes specific. He seems like every abuser. Some cool specific details on the abuse but as a character we don't need sympathy for him but we do need to find a way to identify him as specific even if we hop back out to universal. I think absurdity would have been one option. The abuse didn't always have to be realistic and through making a joke of him as an abuser at times, I think we might have found him more specific and his abuse more devastating. Great work though.
Yeah makes sense. Sometimes though by not making him specific, it gives him more oxygen. making something specific constricts it, too. That would be my only push back there. Yeah, absurd was just something i threw out there. Its more just surprising. Something about his actions at some point could have surprised us more. I love your figurative writing style. Your talent at poetry really shines through in this piece. The spare style is dope, too. Yeah, the other thoughts are form considerations I can't speak to. I enjoyed reading your work and look forward to reading more in the future.
Very interesting conversation here. I feel like this piece was happening hovering just below the ceiling and flattened against the floorboards… everything in the middle blurry. The language carries it, I think I would have liked to see him more as well, even if it’s just a closer drawing of the marks and gestures he makes.
i am intrigued by the line about the dead trees still talking to each other. i cant catch the meaning or of this within the story? what was in your head for this?
Wouldn't it be cool if her next fiction piece started with that image? Isn't it incredible? It reminds me of a sculpture friend who makes these "witness" creatures out of furniture....
I like to think I'm a good writer.
Then I read another writer's work and think, "why am I even doing this?"
Kinda crinkles my heart into a wad of paper to hear you both say this. Neither of you should be doubting yourself as writers. Just keep writing and shove that self-doubt down the garbage disposal, please!
No way Oscar Ruto!
This is a humbling read, M'lud.
Ethereal is an overused word BUT there's really nothing else to describe this piece.
Can you say more? Do you mean the way the voice seems to lift out of the main character's body and float? The distance? Explain to me, please.
Excellent response. I am seeing what you (guys) are talking about. I love the plastic wrap image... that sort of dulling of senses, but also making the sensations amplified, less localized. This is, indeed a very big subject, and I think you pulled the plastic wrap off!
Your new authoress image is giving Winona Ryder vibes btw.
I am super interested to hear more about this. I am surprised by the word "ethereal" for this piece. For me it is grit under the finger nail, slivers from floor boards in my toes, knees skinned from kneeling... this piece doesn't float for me, it sinks. So tell me, how does it fly for you? Say things!
I'm just an airhead so I can't compute.
i love this, thank you
There’s the murder and mayhem I’ve been wanting! Excellent, Zivah, and that opening—🖤
The pickled beets gave me flashbacks to the time I took a big bite of them as a kid thinking it was cranberry sauce. Not cool.
Manky! I like that word! 😂
What a mood. I knew you'd give us a killer ending and wow, it blew my mind.
Some great turns of phrase here - a battering ram of a story that hits home.
Oh my gooooodness. Remarkable writing, Zivah. You had me on the edge of my seat. I love this piece!
The writing here was stunning and profound and emotional and realistic and devastating.
This does say it's fiction, I just triple checked so I feel like it's okay for me to discuss as artifice which is what I'm going to do. The husband, the abuser, he never becomes specific. He seems like every abuser. Some cool specific details on the abuse but as a character we don't need sympathy for him but we do need to find a way to identify him as specific even if we hop back out to universal. I think absurdity would have been one option. The abuse didn't always have to be realistic and through making a joke of him as an abuser at times, I think we might have found him more specific and his abuse more devastating. Great work though.
I would love to get your attention on BEEF - Volume I!
I need to get to BEEF too!
Yeah makes sense. Sometimes though by not making him specific, it gives him more oxygen. making something specific constricts it, too. That would be my only push back there. Yeah, absurd was just something i threw out there. Its more just surprising. Something about his actions at some point could have surprised us more. I love your figurative writing style. Your talent at poetry really shines through in this piece. The spare style is dope, too. Yeah, the other thoughts are form considerations I can't speak to. I enjoyed reading your work and look forward to reading more in the future.
Very interesting conversation here. I feel like this piece was happening hovering just below the ceiling and flattened against the floorboards… everything in the middle blurry. The language carries it, I think I would have liked to see him more as well, even if it’s just a closer drawing of the marks and gestures he makes.
RIGHTEOUS.
and beautifully written.
i am intrigued by the line about the dead trees still talking to each other. i cant catch the meaning or of this within the story? what was in your head for this?
i love the last line.
excellent stuff!
ahhh yes! of course! thank you for explaining! you need to live in an old terraced house to know that!
Wouldn't it be cool if her next fiction piece started with that image? Isn't it incredible? It reminds me of a sculpture friend who makes these "witness" creatures out of furniture....
Read this last night, came back to it again tonight just to let it all seep in. So good.