19 Comments
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Jon T's avatar

Wow. I was transported. Loved the otherworldly vibe of this.

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B. Eldon Calder's avatar

Thank you, Jon! Yes - transporting the reader . . . It was a huge goal for this. Hanoi is so atmospheric that it's difficult. I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

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Jim Fields's avatar

Beautifully done. The descriptive writing and sensory details were amazing. I can't wait to see what happens next in Part two.

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B. Eldon Calder's avatar

Thanks so much, Jim - and check for Part II Sunday! A very cinematic escalation . . . You'll enjoy it ;)

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Josh Datko's avatar

The poems you prefaced this with go really well! Very nice combo.

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B. Eldon Calder's avatar

I appreciate that, Josh. After a brief break for focus on Will's story - I'm back to those: one out now between installments, and one at the end. I hope they're helpful for readers.

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wildflower's avatar

Just wow!!

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B. Eldon Calder's avatar

Well that means everything from wildflower ;)

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Zivah Avraham's avatar

Immersive - that’s my first thought. I didn’t want it to end.

What a sensory experience. Heavy, full of foreboding, yet translucent and transient at the same time.

This is how I imagine Hanoi to feel. It reminds me a little of the less touristy parts of Bangkok, where I have been. I was transported and hooked - when I finished reading I was surprised to be back in my storm battered house in Wales.

I’m so looking forward to Part II.

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B. Eldon Calder's avatar

I'm blushing in compliments ☺️

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Zivah Avraham's avatar

I’m glad I saved this until I could give it proper attention. It’s been a hectic week. It was well worth the wait - it’s been haunting me for the past few days.

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B. Eldon Calder's avatar

Yes, I suppose Part I is all about setting the atmosphere. We’re introducing a lot of new context in terms of environment, behaviour, and how said environment and behaviour can lead one into a downward spiral. Part II REALLY delivers on that spiral that we see glimpses of here. I wish I could say more but . . . top secret!

Thank you, Zivah!!

:)

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Nick Winney's avatar

This is a real driving bit of prose. drags you along. You really capture the soul of the city and the desperate sweaty pressure cooker vibe. we really want to know more... ambrose is classicly mysterious and cool... the wedge of cash...the knowing so much and better, the advice that will be ignored. the vortex around the main chatacter.

The only thing i didn't like is the vietnamese writing because i can't read it. i dont know how it sounds in my mind...i dont know what it means its like a hard stop in the flow for me. it didnt work for me but the story is excellent regardless. dialogue with ambrose and the woman... taut, real, you can see their faces the expressions changing. love it.

also.. sex scene... really well done. im always scared off writing sex into stuff because if you get it wrong, its ruinous but you nailed it there. so to speak.

😎

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B. Eldon Calder's avatar

Thank you very much for the praise and feedback here Nick! I'm so, so glad you stuck with it for the conclusion and that it paid off for you.

Regarding the presence of Vietnamese in the text: note that McCarthy employs this technique in his Border Trilogy ("A Face in the Glass" is the first part of a trilogy of "Vietnam Novellas" I hope to combine into a book). Note that, if you do translate the words in Google - they are almost ways repeated verbatim in English afterwards. None of the text is necessary but the jarring effect may be intentional. An expat in Hanoi may not hear their own language for days on end . . . It is intended both for respect of the place and its gruelling history and culture, and to help drive up the disorientation we might feel in the Communist capital - a mother's nightmare: devourer of lost boys never to return. Vietnam changed my life and I want that nod to the language, which survives despite two millenia of war.

It's an ongoing project (the trilogy) - it's great to have people weighing in. You didn't miss anything though! Assume that Phuong, in particular, speaks, then simplifies her speech for Elliot in English in most instance ;)

Even the effort of IMAGINING how it sounds . . . If that happened then mission accomplished for me.

Once more, Nick - this is so, so kind. It's a huge work that took me many years to hone down. I am honoured by your praise.

Most Sincerely, and with gratitude for your time and close, close reading!! 🙏

Brock

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Nick Winney's avatar

you"re very welcome. was enjoyable reading all the way and thanks for the explanation re the Vietnamese.

.. your writing sets a standard I want to get to... something like this though, you need to have lived experience to get it right, which I never will have about a place like hanoi.. when some people here write about weapons and drugs in such fine detail... i can never do this just by watching breaking bad and john wick and playing call of duty...america is another planet to a desk jocky brit like me.

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B. Eldon Calder's avatar

I agree 100%, Nick. At least for any travel writing. But I also think that foreign cinema is a great point of entry into other cultures. Unfortunately, Vietnam - under government regulation - does not really have the concept of "cinema" that we have. Do you like movies? I love 'em. Watch Wong Kar-Wai's "In the Mood for Love" and what Hanoi "feels" like. The Sympathizer on HBO was also quite good! Robert Downey Jr. is fantastic. I take cinema vacations to France, Italy, Japan . . .

I have traveled a lot over the past eleven years. It'll be strange coming back to Canada. Colder!

I'm extremely flattered by your praise of the story, Nick. It means a lot to any writer. Looking forward to reading your work in turn.

Is there any foreign country you've ever wanted to write about before?

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Nick Winney's avatar

Hey Brock! foreign cinema... big fan of this. best film i saw recently was "All we imagine as light". a beautiful film and immersion into the city and culture. cannot rec highly enough.

will take up the xinema recs if i can find them Thank you for those!

i also love korean horror films for their insistence on very obvious morality and ethics and respect for elders and authority amongst the zombies and murdering.

i did live in provence for 9 months when i was much younger. i wrote a "humourous" journal... but let's face it, the french are piss easy to get a laugh about they're so up themselves. more recently... the desire to write about a foreign country hasnt taken me... i think i need to work the horror and sci fi i always meant to write out of my system first... am loving aubstack. the quality and bredth and general attitude is <still> eye opening and inspiring.

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ARC's avatar

Finished! Very dark and well written! Compelling and mysterious relationship between Elliot and Ambrose anchors the novella.

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ARC's avatar

Finished! Very dark and well written! Great and hallucinatory end. Good stuff!

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