What a bleak ending from such a funny and happy start! I guess the bleakness was there the whole time. We get to this type of world through broken families. You had me laughing a few times in the first half though for real. I think you have a real knack for writing humorous prose which is very hard to do without being corny. This was some of the best voice work I've read from you on here so far.
yeah the last beat is happy but i was shocked when the father turned them away and the mother didn't say anything so that stayed with me. But yes for sure the last beat and throughout there is a pervasive happiness despite the desolation of the world.
yeah i didn't think about who the promise was to. yeah he does feel freed. Plus, he went through so much to get there! Its very unique style and content mix.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments - truly and deeply appreciated- I’m enjoying how people see the ending - for me it’s happy - the release from a final promise - a pointless task to honour his love - he knew his Father would never lower his walls and his Mother would never find words but through completing the quest he learned to leave everything he owned behind and focus on the only thing that mattered- he drew a line in the sand and showed his son how to be open, creative and free. It’s written from a very personal perspective- I appreciate for a lot of people being relieved that your parents reject you would be a difficult idea - but deep down I would love to be released from that burden at times. Sad but true.
I am really liking this discussion and would love to find more places to riff like this. We should all be talking together after we read each other's work. What do you all think?
dope honestly it made it more original and your take underneath it makes it even more impactful. its a fun story. i gotta finish the other one i started before Monster Truck caught me up.
Brilliant. My kind of ending - I realised pretty quickly that many people you are taught to hold in high regard are just human and fallible and as liable to be crappy as anyone else. The same is true of parents. So the narrator and son have their freedom, probably a better freedom than one hemmed in by a world reliant on oil.
Thank you, Zivah - I suspect we have some similar life experiences - thanks to a loving partner who has the power of empathy and love, I have managed to turn these negatives into positives and seek out family wherever I find love and friendship - rather than rely on genetics to fill those gaps. At the same time, I am making a concerted effort to break the cycle and create something stable and reliable for my kids.
Lovely work, Steve. Great to discover this via Zivah, whom I've kind of followed over here from Medium. I'm liking the way Substack is revealing more of the kind of fiction that appeals to me - and I'm always up for a bit of junkyard dystopia.
I'm copying across a few stories here now - this one is very tangentially related to yours, in case you're interested:
Thanks, Mathew. I agree that the algorithms seem to allow a very natural discovery of work that appeals to me, too. Thanks for the links. I will give them a read later tonight. I am just finishing an audio record of Dead Cars that I promised to finish today… by promised, I mean I promised myself, of course, That is the beauty of being ones own publisher now.
I love this premise. Good story. I don't think the ending is either. It's not happy or sad, it's just the unsettling inevitability of what is. I like it that way.
What a bleak ending from such a funny and happy start! I guess the bleakness was there the whole time. We get to this type of world through broken families. You had me laughing a few times in the first half though for real. I think you have a real knack for writing humorous prose which is very hard to do without being corny. This was some of the best voice work I've read from you on here so far.
I thought it was a happy ending!
yeah the last beat is happy but i was shocked when the father turned them away and the mother didn't say anything so that stayed with me. But yes for sure the last beat and throughout there is a pervasive happiness despite the desolation of the world.
True. But he feels freed, he honored his promise to his... deceased wife?
yeah i didn't think about who the promise was to. yeah he does feel freed. Plus, he went through so much to get there! Its very unique style and content mix.
Kind of a riding-off-into-the-sunset ending.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments - truly and deeply appreciated- I’m enjoying how people see the ending - for me it’s happy - the release from a final promise - a pointless task to honour his love - he knew his Father would never lower his walls and his Mother would never find words but through completing the quest he learned to leave everything he owned behind and focus on the only thing that mattered- he drew a line in the sand and showed his son how to be open, creative and free. It’s written from a very personal perspective- I appreciate for a lot of people being relieved that your parents reject you would be a difficult idea - but deep down I would love to be released from that burden at times. Sad but true.
I am really liking this discussion and would love to find more places to riff like this. We should all be talking together after we read each other's work. What do you all think?
Can’t agree more - comments are so much more helpful and interesting than likes -
The day they give me live privileges, you gonna see, we are going to have some SESSIONS.
Nothing stopping us from going live on YouTube … just saying
hey... that's an idea!
dope honestly it made it more original and your take underneath it makes it even more impactful. its a fun story. i gotta finish the other one i started before Monster Truck caught me up.
Brilliant. My kind of ending - I realised pretty quickly that many people you are taught to hold in high regard are just human and fallible and as liable to be crappy as anyone else. The same is true of parents. So the narrator and son have their freedom, probably a better freedom than one hemmed in by a world reliant on oil.
Loved it!
Thank you, Zivah - I suspect we have some similar life experiences - thanks to a loving partner who has the power of empathy and love, I have managed to turn these negatives into positives and seek out family wherever I find love and friendship - rather than rely on genetics to fill those gaps. At the same time, I am making a concerted effort to break the cycle and create something stable and reliable for my kids.
Lovely work, Steve. Great to discover this via Zivah, whom I've kind of followed over here from Medium. I'm liking the way Substack is revealing more of the kind of fiction that appeals to me - and I'm always up for a bit of junkyard dystopia.
I'm copying across a few stories here now - this one is very tangentially related to yours, in case you're interested:
https://medium.com/the-kraken-lore/missed-feature-d79a37de37bc?sk=f6f589169171d6aeca61d1f7c00e0655
Thanks, Mathew. I agree that the algorithms seem to allow a very natural discovery of work that appeals to me, too. Thanks for the links. I will give them a read later tonight. I am just finishing an audio record of Dead Cars that I promised to finish today… by promised, I mean I promised myself, of course, That is the beauty of being ones own publisher now.
Audio versions is something else I'm keen to do here on Substack when I get the time - and a decent microphone!
Rode NT1 - its the Rolls Royce of Podcasting and simple VO setups... worth every penny.
I love this premise. Good story. I don't think the ending is either. It's not happy or sad, it's just the unsettling inevitability of what is. I like it that way.
Great read!
Thanks for taking the time to read and to comment - very much appreciated Vince - great name btw… def has Wilbur Smith Action hero vibes